Jan 5, 2009 7:00 pm US/Eastern
Expert Advice On Money & Marriage
PHILADELPHIA (CBS 3) ―
Money and marriage, the two are just as entwined as love and marriage. When you really think about it, saying "I do" to your spouse also means, I DO agree to share a business with you. That business we all know as: "The Family Income."
How you manage that business can keep it thriving or let it go under, and with our current troubled economy, more marriages are troubled than ever before.
So, we decided to go to the CEO of Council For Relationships, and get some advice on how to handle escalating money arguments.
Dr. Stephen Treat says it's the biggest problem he's seeing recently, and a good New Year's resolution is to take the first step towards resolving your family money issues.
Dr. Treat says anger is simply a defense mechanism. When your spouse is angry towards you, accuses you, blames you, shows judgment, and is aggressive … that's all masking some sort of vulnerability.
To make your marriage work and resolve your financial issues, the two of you need to unmask what your vulnerabilities are and speak from that perspective rather than in that accusatory and self righteous tone.
Treat explains that two angry people can't work as a team, and the only way to come up with a plan to fix your finances is to eliminate the anger. That means, stop fighting even if you have to go to sleep angry. Chances are when you wake up in the morning, you'll be calmer and better able to handle the conversation without throwing insults at each other.
Here are the 2 biggest mistakes people make:
1) Spending money they don't have.
2) Acting autonomously. Making financial decisions without including their spouse in the decision.
Dr. Treat says in order to fix financial problems, there can be no betrayal and no surprises on that MasterCard at the end of the month.
Dr. Treat says once you've gotten past the anger, you can come up with a plan that you try to enforce every month. Start by reviewing your spending, and give each-other an allowance.
Money you're allowed to spend each month without asking for approval. If you want to spend more than that, it needs to be discussed.
We've uploaded Dr. Stephen Treat's interview. To see the interview in its entirety, please click on the raw video of that interview.
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